Tuesday, February 24, 2009
My Daughter's Freshman Scholar's Assignment...
School sure has changed a lot since I went. I don't know if my teachers would have understood what my child has written here, but I hope that *her* teachers have a good sense of humor. Having said that, I present to you Ione's Freshman Scholar's Assignment:
Zeus’s Umbrella
Zeus’s Umbrella is a magic device that protects you from Zeus’s evil rains. You will always be safe under the protection of zeus’s umbrella ella ella. They are magic and can help you fly. They come in every color except purple, white, and chartreuse. Zeus’s umbrellas can be used for protection, hiding, assaulting and lightning reflecting. They can also do your homework and walk your dog. ORDER NOW AT USEPROTECTION.COM OR CALL 666-6666 AND GET YOU ZEUS’S UMBRELLA FOR FIVE EASY PAYMENTS OF $29.95. ZEUS’S UMBRELLAS MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE. All you have to do is believe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So order now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Useprotection.com
666-6666
USE PROTECTION. DON’T GET WET
Our tax dollars at work so that Ione can practice her comedic skills. I am so proud.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Vacuum, Shmacuum...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I'd Walk Over You To See The Who....
It was my third time seeing them. The first time was back in 1982, more than 26 years ago. The tour was "It's Hard". I was all of 16, and vaguely asking my father if I could *please* drive to Lexington, Kentucky to see The Who, with my best friend Chris, her boyfriend John (who is now my husband) and John's friend Keith. There is a faint memory of Daddy agreeing to this, and honestly, what father *wouldn't* allow his young daughter to be transported across state lines by two young men who are 18 years old? I shudder at the thought when I look at my own daughters, but the kid in me is very glad that he let me go. Honestly, I barely knew who they were at that time, but they quickly became my favorite. Everyone else I knew loved The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones (we were rebel kids and eschewed most new music at that time...) but I fell in love with The Who and couldn't get enough.
The second time was with that young man who drove me and my lucky friend to Kentucky, only this time, I was the lucky one in the front seat with him. We went to Atlanta, Georgia, and it was the "Tommy" reunion tour back in '89, I think. We had a wonderful time, my life was complete; I'd seen my favorite band a second time and that was enough.
And I lost interest for a long time. Parenthood took priority; music was something in the background and most of the time *that* was Disney or Raffi. But then I started noticing The Who (the two who remain) all over cable T.V., documentaries, "VH1 Rock Honors", and what have you. One morning, surfing on the computer, I discovered they were touring, with tickets on sale for a show in D.C. and it seemed possible, but maybe not... I'd never been to D.C. before. Could I drive there? John will be deployed. Should I go alone? Is it stupid, too much money, irresponsible, and what about *the kids*??? After talking to John, I just went ahead and bought tickets, and let the rest of it work itself out. My friend Tammi was my date, my friend Susan slept over with my big kids, my friend Rosemary kept my little ones and Tammi's husband Lou provided an awesome free hotel room with his Mariott points. So we drove up, threw our bags in our room, drove to the station and took the metro into Chinatown, and here is what we saw:
Warning: Horrible pictures!
It was an awesome show, with the exception of Hoodie Boy (see obnoxious blue striped hoodie in top photo), who blocked our view for a good part of the concert. Neither of us ever got a good view of Roger Daltrey or Pete Townshend at the same time, only little bits and snatches as we stood on tiptoe and craned our necks. It was a *good* time, though. They were generous and very gracious, playing hard for well over two hours. The music was familiar and comforting, everything I loved to listen to when I was experiencing those hard, grueling years of trying to grow up. Roger Daltrey joked at the end about feeling like he'd gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson, but he looked just fine from where I was standing. Both he and Pete were in top form, Roger hitting every note and Pete just as amazing as ever, if not quite as agile on the feet as he was in his earlier years. They're in their 60's, but I think they've got a lot of good years left in them. Maybe even another tour or two. Please? I'd love to go for Number Four, and god knows, I'd Walk Over You To See The Who.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Obligatory Blog Post...
Notice my lovely, compliant Boxer. She is putty in my hands most of the time, letting me pose her in ridiculous contortions and humiliate her on the internet. Sometimes I play with her lips and roll them back in such a manner as to expose her extreme underbite, allowing her bottom teeth to protude up over her top lips. It's amusing. As she has helped drain my checking account, she owes me *at least* this much. I think I'll knit her a hideous sweater with dinosaur spikes and make her wear it. Vandie was Ione's idea, but she's mine, all mine. I'll do with her as I wish. Muuuwaaaahahahahahah!
I'm now a Loopy Groupy! Last week's sock yarn purchase turned into a windfall of knitting goodness: an awesome vinyl bag, a keychain, candy (!!), a beautiful skein of sockyarn, and a nice pattern. I wasn't expecting any of it, which made it all the more exciting. I'm convinced that Sheri at the Loopy Ewe is one of the most thoughtful people in the world; it takes a special soul to be that generous with clients, and this one most certainly is grateful. It's good to get a present after a crappy week.
Homeschooling! Jillian is into the Ancient Egypt portion of her _Story of the World_ curriculum. We mummified an apple, leaving the raw chicken to braver folks.
Proof that I am not going to hell in a handbasket: a nutritious meal for my spawn. Tofu Noodle Casserole from the _Vegetarian Family Cookbook_ by Nava Atlas. Great cookbook. I did put in more cheese than it initially called for. Like five times the recommended amount. What? Everybody doesn't quintuple the amount of cheese in every recipe they cook? Oh. Well. I did give them broccoli, too.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Hey Yall, Watch This!
I didn't realize the video would be sideways when I was taking it. I held the camera wrong in order to get the full shot, so we have to turn our heads to see it. Still funny, though, and a brilliant look at *Coping: Navy Family Style*.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
We Have an F.O.!!!!
Bella the Cat is pleased to present a doggy sweater pattern from Fiber Trends, and some very lovely rose colored Encore Worsted yarn. I bought the lot from The Naked Sheep. I love to order from her. Okay prices, but a good variety, and her shipping is amazingly low. I'm always happy with my purchases. I'm going to make a sweater for Vandie (the bane of poor Bella's existance). Vandie's hair is very thin and I'm concerned that she'll be too cold this winter. Hopefully she won't eat the sweater when I'm not looking. Guess we need to work on the whole "don't act like a wild monster" thing, eh?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Saying Goodbye....
Here's the ship after the tug pushed it out and away from the pier Although sad, it was extremely cool watching it go. I'm really glad we went.
After we tortured ourselves watching it float away, we headed to Oceanview where we saw this:
Then we chatted for a bit, watching the rest of the battle group go by. Jillian found a dead crab. I am impressed that she picked it up. Once your dad leaves for what's an infathomable amount of time, picking up dead crap is not a big deal.
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO NAVY SPOUSE Who's Husband is on a Lengthy Deployment:
- "That's not so bad." Uh, yeah it is. Even if it's a two week workup, it *is* that bad. Two weeks out may very well have been preceded by a week in, which may have been preceded by six weeks out. Or the ultimate insult: out for 29 day, pulling in for one day, then leaving again for six. Why? Because if a sailor is underway for over a month, the Navy has to pay separation pay. They will literally pull in to avoid giving sailors extra money. So yes, that two weeks is bad. Exception: the wife who's sailor is gone for the real deal. She can say whatever the hell she wants to.
- "Wow. I could never leave my wife for that long." Really!?! Why would anyone say something like that? It's not like all of us Navy wives are reeling in self-esteem! Our husbands, for whatever reasons, chose a career that takes them away for long periods of time. They aren't kidnapped from shore, indentured, and forced to go on a Med Cruise. They sign a piece of paper willingly. There is no coersion. Dude-that-said-that-to-me, you are a creton, and I feel sorry for your wife if you are always that insensitive.
- "My wife and I like each other waaaaay too much to be away from each other like that!" Again, *Really??!!??* Okay, first of all, *I doubt that* and second of all, I challenge you to a "Marriage-Off" anytime, anyday. I've been married to this guy for over 20 years, and for the most part, I think we've had a below-average amount of problems in our marriage. We still have sex, more than average most likely, we still snuggle, when he's home we're in the same bed, we still go out on fabulous dates, we hold hands, and we throw our legs all over each other while we're trying to get comfortable at night. I'm willing to bet we'll be like those old couples you see holding hands in the grocery store, so think about *that*, you insensitive tool. You have been served.
- "I don't know how you people do it. Well, if you take a liking to the mailman, use a rubber." Uhm..."you people"????? A "rubber"???? Like I'm too stupid to understand the word "condom"??? *I kid you not.*The OB-GYN who delivered my first child said this to me. I was 24 years old, had just had a C-section, John was in Egypt on Med-Cruise, and I was about to be discharged from the hospital. When *he who shall not be named* asked me what my birth control plans were, I innocently answered, "Well, I don't really need birth control. My husband's in the Navy and won't be home until December." This OB (and I won't be tacky and post his name) ruined my pregnancy, ruined my birth, was disrespectful to me, and I will bet money that he's got one of those obnoxious "Support the Troops" magnets on his expensive car. Oh, what the hell, I was born tacky, and tacky I shall be. Robert E. Bledsoe is this charming prince's name. I doubt if anyone in McMinn County, Tennessee who's shopping for a birth attendant is reading my humble blog. If so, ladies, you have been warned.
You know, I think it's a simple matter of thinking before you speak. Nobody's perfect, and it's hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone going through something that you may never deal with. Everybody's experience is different, and there are harder things than the Navy. Just being alive, raising a family, and surviving should humble us and make us more gentle with each other. Being human, being *nice* is the key. That's not a far stretch for any of us. And when I'm grumpy, when I'm ready to kill my kids, when I'm exhausted from carrying a more-than- full load, I'll try to remember how it feels when others are thoughtless to me, and I'll do my best to think before I open my mouth and pollute the world with a lot of hot, ignorant air.
